CHEAP HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

Stinky Buffalo · Post by **Stinky Buffalo** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 9:31 am

HOW TO INSTALL A CHEAP HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE NORTH

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 Work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine, your NRA magazines and, of course, your bowhunting/xbow magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls - they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside.

Cooter

DropTine · Post by **DropTine** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 9:46 am

LOL! ::D:D:D:D:D:D

saxman · Post by **saxman** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 10:27 am

Thats good

saxman · Post by **saxman** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 11:30 am

bstout wrote:Good one!

I had an episode years ago where my buddy (Larry) was coming over to my house to shoot shotguns one morning. I have this nifty shooting range on my property because I live in the country. Larry wasn't due to show up until 9:00am or so and I was sitting on the couch, still in my whitie tighties cleaning my shotgun when there was a knock at the door.

That's funny because Larry never knocks he just walks in and he's never early. Still for some reason I thought it was Larry and went to answer the door. Along the way I picked up an empty beer can from the night before and was going to put it in the recycle bin outside. So I open the door with a break-open shotgun in my whitie tighties holding a beer can and it's not Larry!

It was a group of church ladies coming to save me or something like that. I'm already saved but I shouted at them to wait...come back as they dropped their brochures and ran for their car.

No one else has tried to save me since. Then Larry showed up and we had fun shooting our shotguns.

Moral of the story; get dressed before cleaning your shotgun and don't run around picking up empty beer cans when you've got church ladies at the door.

Now I've got that picture in my head.

Grizzly Adam · Post by **Grizzly Adam** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 12:19 pm

bstout wrote: So I open the door ... in my whitie tighties ... and it's not Larry! It was a group of church ladies coming to save me ... I shouted at them to wait ... as they dropped their brochures and ran for their car.

Shame on them!

Running away from duty like that.

I make sure my church ladies know what Jesus said:

" ... I needed clothes and you did not clothe me ... I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me."

They would have given you some clothes, Bob!

VixChix · Post by **VixChix** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 12:25 pm

Grizz, you're killin' me!

It could be the gun had more to do with their quick departure than the undies?

ehntr · Post by **ehntr** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 12:52 pm

bstout wrote:Good one!

I had an episode years ago where my buddy (Larry) was coming over to my house to shoot shotguns one morning. I have this nifty shooting range on my property because I live in the country. Larry wasn't due to show up until 9:00am or so and I was sitting on the couch, still in my whitie tighties cleaning my shotgun when there was a knock at the door.

That's funny because Larry never knocks he just walks in and he's never early. Still for some reason I thought it was Larry and went to answer the door. Along the way I picked up an empty beer can from the night before and was going to put it in the recycle bin outside. So I open the door with a break-open shotgun in my whitie tighties holding a beer can and it's not Larry!

It was a group of church ladies coming to save me or something like that. I'm already saved but I shouted at them to wait...come back as they dropped their brochures and ran for their car.

No one else has tried to save me since. Then Larry showed up and we had fun shooting our shotguns.

Moral of the story; get dressed before cleaning your shotgun and don't run around picking up empty beer cans when you've got church ladies at the door.

I gave up wearing white underwear (tighties?) when my mother quit buying for me. That was some time ago btw. Nothing else shocks me 'cept where is your "As for Me and My House Door Mat"...if you had that mat out they would have known you were already saved and spared the horror of your not-so-white tighties

.

Good one Stinky

Stinky Buffalo · Post by **Stinky Buffalo** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:00 pm

Thanks for the comments, folks! (Can't take credit for it, though... It was e-mailed to me this week...)

Heh! Man, bstout, that sure is funny! Reminds me of a Gopher shoot I was on this Summer, but that's a totally different story...

Good to see you on here ehntr... Didn't know you shot an Excalibur... Good stuff!

Cheers,
Stinky

TPM · Post by **TPM** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 9:07 pm

It could be the gun had more to do with their quick departure than the undies?

I know the undie's would make me run.

N8tr Boy · Post by **N8tr Boy** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 9:20 pm

i think they ran to get you some clothes as they probably weren't your size.

Or maybe the glow on your face from being saved.

dick195252 · Post by **dick195252** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 12:09 am

BigTiny · Post by **BigTiny** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 4:50 pm

I don't even have to go buy the boots! All I need to do is write the note.

Grizzly Adam · Post by **Grizzly Adam** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 8:03 pm

BigTiny wrote:I don't even have to go buy the boots! All I need to do is write the note.

Would my 12EEEEE boots do?

ehntr · Post by **ehntr** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 9:49 pm

BigTiny wrote:I don't even have to go buy the boots! All I need to do is write the note.
_________________
Brother Model 80
Automatic Needle Threader
Overcasting Foot with Side Cutter
80 Stitches.

Did you fabricate them on the Model 80?

BigTiny · Post by **BigTiny** » Sun Aug 03, 2008 4:13 pm

ehntr wrote:
BigTiny wrote:I don't even have to go buy the boots! All I need to do is write the note.
_________________
Brother Model 80
Automatic Needle Threader
Overcasting Foot with Side Cutter
80 Stitches.

Did you fabricate them on the Model 80?

Shoes are way beyond my current skill level, but I am making some new hunting clothes this year. I have to special order the gigantopithecus-class patterns, since they don't carry them at my local fabric store. I guess the list of guys with 40-inch sleeves who sew their own clothes is a short one.