OUR HEARTBREAK

[Grizzly Adam]

Some of you know that April and I lost an infant daughter five years ago. Hannah's development in the womb was uneventful in every way, and April went into normal labor on May 22, 2003. Everything was proceeding as expected when suddenly there was a problem with the baby's heart rate, and mother and child were rushed into surgery for an emergency c-section. Hannah went into cardiac arrest upon delivery, and though the doctors tried to revive her for 45 frantic minutes, our baby died there in that room on May 23rd.

Hannah was beautiful in every way; autopsy was inconclusive and showed no reason why this happened ... it was just "one of those things." I'm sure you can imagine our pain and grief. To this day, it burns like fire. It's not something you "get over" ... but life goes on, and we must too.

Of course, we hoped to have another child ... and we tried ... but something happened to April's reproductive system as a result of the emergency c-section; her periods were sporadic, her ovulation was inconsistent, and her hormone levels were abnormal. We never conceived another, so far as we know ... there were a few hopeful times, but she either miscarried very early, or else it was just a result of her abnormalities.

This has been our situation for the last five years ... three years of emotional ups and downs, and two years of dwindling hopes ... but there's always been that flicker of hope, for there's always been that chance that our dream would be.

Until now.

April got the sad news at her OB-GYN yesterday; it is certain now that we will not have any more children.

I don't know what to say about that, except that I felt like sharing it here. In truth, aside from family and church family, ya'll are people I feel like telling about it.

It hurts, you know. The death of that hope feels a lot like the death of our baby. I just feel all dried up inside.

But I'm gonna hang in there. You can bet on that.

I would like it if ya'll would keep us in your prayers, and especially if you would pray for April. It is a horrible thing to see your wife's tears in situations like these, and to be so very helpless to do anything about it.

I want to thank ya'll for the cyber-relationships I have with you. It means a lot ... lots of love and goodwill on here ... it's what a forum should be.

[wabi]

Grizz,
Sorry to hear of the sad events and grief they have caused.
I will definately remember all of you in my prayers!

[Digger]

I am sorry tu hear your loss. You and your family will be in our prayers.

[groundpounder]

Sorry to hear and will do. It can take some getting use to the idea as it did me but both of my daughters now ages 5 and 8 were adopted. My wife was in the delivery room with my oldest Alexandria so we received her on day one. And we received Bailey when she was a month old. I know some do not wish to go the route of adoption but it is an option. They are and always will be MY girls.

[ComfyBear]

Adam, I feel for you and April, and I am at a loss for words. What can one say, at times like these? I suppose all that can be hoped for is that God gives us the strength to carry on and preserve. I believe that there’s always a balance in life. Usually, when a door is closed a window is opened. Be strong, together you and April shall overcome.

[saxman]

Grizz,My heart aches for you and April.I knew of your loss of Hannah and cant imagine the pain you both must feel and sometimes with that kind of hurt it seems like that is all life does is GO ON.You both have strength beyond measure,strength that only comes from faith in God.Turn this over to the father as he walks with you both through this.And as the song says

Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow.
But if we are wise, we know that there's always tomorrow.
Lean on me, when you're not strong and I'll be your friend.
I'll help you carry on, for it won't be long 'til I'm gonna need somebody
to lean on.

If there is a load you have to bear that you can't carry.
I'm right up the road, I'll share your load if you just call me.

You have our prayers

[xbowking]

Very sorry to hear , life deals some bad cards to us sometimes , try to stay strong , my thoughts are with you , all you can really do is hold your wife tight and tell her you love her , all the best my friend . Dave.

[Normous]

Sorry to here that.
I can put myself in your shoes. Patti was involved in a car accident at the age of 13 and a tight lap belt caused numerous injuries to the reproductive tract. We can't have children either.
We are forunate and decided to put alot of energy in our own relationship together. It seems to be working well, as we are together 23 years, without any problems that we can't take car of. Patti works with children and is fullfilled with her chosen work. My girls are the twins next door.

[awshucks]

Sometimes it's nearly impossible to think of the right words, Grizz. This is one of them. Your family has my prayers.

[diesel]

Grizz,
So very sorry to hear that. My wife and I had problems too. I to know very well there is nothing that I can say or do to easy your pain. I will pary for you and your wife .

[Cossack]

I'm so sorry Grizz. and relate to your loss with personal experience.

[sumner4991]

Sorry to hear about your loss also Grizz.

I agree with groundpounder. My sister adopted . . .there's no difference in the love that they share. I would adopt without hesitation. It's very rewarding.

[VixChix]

Grizz, the loss of a child is unbearable. Now the loss of hope of having another... hard to comprehend that God would let that happen. I so wish the situation were different for you & April. I pray that God will surround you and April with his love and comfort. This forum family shares your sorrow and tears.

[DropTine]

Im so sorry to hear that!

[bbbwb]

Very sorry to hear of your sad and devastating news. Comfort one another and as a couple stride forth. You are most fortunate to have each other to bolster each others strength for the days ahead.
bbbwb