The Frown on Smiling Bob

[Mike P]

The Frown on Smiling Bob

It was good to have a normal Wednesday breakfast at Perkins with the partners. For those of you who don’t know me, I have breakfast every Wednesday with my three best friends. They also happen to be hunters and we are partners in a farm that we own and manage strictly for hunting whitetails. One of the partners is a prominent lawyer in Cincinnati.

The subject of conversation at yesterday’s breakfast was Smiling Bob. We all know Smiling Bob. If you have no idea who Smiling Bob is you have not watched any television in the past four years! Smiling Bob drives a race car and drives a golf ball. He even emerges from swimming pools without his swimming trunks and all of the ladies around the pool just swoon. Smiling Bob holds business meetings and the sales charts all point up, up, up. And Smiling Bob has a secret. He uses Enzyte male enhancement cream!

Now I don’t want you to get the wrong idea here. Yes we are four old geezers having breakfast but none of us needs enzyte! That’s our story and we are sticking to it! The reason that we were discussing Smiling Bob was due to Becker, the partner who is the lawyer. He was filling us in on some just completed litigation that took place here in Cincinnati. Smiling Bob was on trial!

Actually, Steve Warshak was on trial. Warshack is the founder of Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, the company that makes and distributes Enzyte products. Warshack had a pretty good gig going. He was selling a product made of wild oats and ginseng that did nothing for improving the size of anyone’s unfletched shaft. All he had to do was keep running those ridiculous TV commercials for the product and the people P.T. Barnum made famous would continue to pick up the phone and dial one eight hundred. The silly commercials made Warshak a millionaire several times over. And many of us in the Cincinnati area said good for you Steve Warshak. You once again prove that anyone in this great country can become a millionaire overnight if you stumble upon the right formula for success. So what if you’re selling snake oil. Watch daytime TV and you get a full dose of snake oil advertisements every nine minutes. Add the infomercials for buying distressed properties and home shopping networks hawking Esteban guitars and the poppycock, pun intended, is almost endless. But Warshak got greedy. And he crossed the line.

Warshak discovered that he could keep billing your credit card every month and send you more pills. The fact that you didn’t want more pills was of little consequence. What are you going to do? Start yelling “Foul” and let everyone know you were taking pills because Mr. Stiffy was not up to snuff. Yeah, that’s the type of information you want being bantered around. Besides, if you did complain to the company they referred you to their Complaint Resolution Officer. Of course the Complaint Resolution Officer was a figment of Warshaks imagination much like the perceived growth given on the company’s website list of testimonials. Like Harvey the Rabbit and your new found penal power, he didn’t exist. And every month the pills went out, the credit cards were charged and Warshak became richer and bolder. His business philosophy became “Hey these old guys have some money and they are really stupid.” And thus his next product was another magic blend of ingredients to treat the enlargement of the prostate. Of course it also didn’t work, “but hey, these old guys are hitting the can every forty-five minutes so we should be able to pick their pockets. This way we get them coming and going.”

The key word here is going. That’s what Warshak is doing. He is going alright. He is going to prison for twenty-five years. And the only people smiling are Warshaks future cellmates as they ponder the possibilities of giving Smiling Steve first hand knowledge of “male enhancement”.

I wish all of you could have joined us for breakfast to hear Becker tell this tale. The manager of Perkins had to come out and tell his favorite patrons to put a lid on it as we were laughing so hard. But I wanted everyone here who has endured a Smiling Bob commercial to know that the wheels of justice sometimes run over the right patch of pavement.

On a side note, I have discovered an obscure natural herb that makes you shoot crossbows with uncanny accuracy. Send me a PM if you would like to purchase a thirty day supply.

[sumner4991]

Well, I'm a bit dishearted to fine out that stuff doesn't work. I mean, regardless of your current size, who couldn't use an extra inch or two.

Glad you are back Mike P.

[FredBear]

And to think, I thought I wasnt putting it on fast enough!

[saxman]

Thats great Mike.

I used to play at the Playboy club in Cincinnati.
I have heared it is not there anymore,dont know for sure.
We stayed in a flea bag motel accross the river in Covington Ky.
Those were the days for me.

[hetichunter]

Mike, you are single handedly turning this forum into one of the "must visit" hunting forums on the entire net!

Every time you post it is like alarms go off at many of the hunting forums I frequent and everyone rushes here to see your work.

Excalibur is going to need larger band width if you keep writing.

Also it was suggested on another forum that you are paid by Excalibur to write here, is that true?

[fogducker]

Also it was suggested on another forum that you are paid by Excalibur to write here, is that true?

it has to be true i think he is payed in post counts..every time he post something..
his post count rises by one point

[wabi]

So....................
If the cream doesn't work, how about the pills?

[awshucks]

Mike puts real grins on a lot of faces, lol. My guess is he's not getting paid here. Be too much like a job, might cut into his deer time. Thanks for another beaut, Mike!

[Mike P]

For the record, no one pays me to post anything on this forum. Nor would I want any payment. With payments come obligations and that would seriously cramp my style.

The only payment I want is to know that I put a smile on Aw Shucks ugly puss!

[Bluefish024]

On a side note, I have discovered an obscure natural herb that makes you shoot crossbows with uncanny accuracy. Send me a PM if you would like to purchase a thirty day supply.

I'll take a year supply.. But if the Mrs. takes some, will it give her a hairy chest....?????

[Mike P]

But if the Mrs. takes some, will it give her a hairy chest....?????

I don't think that will happen to the Mrs. In fact quite to opposite may happen. Crazy Farmer lost all his body hair (as you can see by the photo below) after only being on the pills for two weeks!

[Grizzly Adam]

While not a pharmacopolist himself, NC's phony philanderer Don Juan Edwards might purchase the remaining supplies of this phallus-performance potion Enzyte ... useful as it would be in his pursuit of philogyny.

He claimed to be a philalethist ... but I think he's a Pharisee and a Philistine.

My normally phlegmatic nature has it's limits ... thus my philippic.

[awshucks]

While not a pharmacopolist himself, NC's phony philanderer Don Juan Edwards might purchase the remaining supplies of this phallus-performance potion Enzyte ... useful as it would be in his pursuit of philogyny.

He claimed to be a philalethist ... but I think he's a Pharisee and a Philistine.

My normally phlegmatic nature has it's limits ... thus my philippic.

Grizz, didn't understand a word of that, but by all means don't whizz off Mike P! He's relentless.

[Grizzly Adam]

Grizz, didn't understand a word of that, but by all means don't whizz off Mike P! He's relentless.

No problem, Awshucks.

I have no desire to rattle word-sabres with anyone!

Mike has no reason to be aggravated because I "dissed" John Edwards. Being a writer, I figured he'd appreciate the ph-phraseology. Describing something using as many words as possible that start with a certain combination of letters is a common brain-teaser for writers.

Besides, it's all true! Our whole state is ashamed of Edwards.

In the vernacular:

While he doesn't sell drugs himself, North Carolina's phony skirt-chaser John Edwards might purchase the remaining supplies of this (supply your own favorite member-moniker here ) -performance potion Enzyte ... useful as it would be in his pursuit of loving women.

He claimed to be a lover of truth, but I think he's an uncultured hypocrite.

My normally easy-going nature has it's limits ... thus my heated condemnation.

Better?

[Mike P]

Mike has no reason to be aggravated because I "dissed" John Edwards.

Mike happens to agree with every word Grizz put to the page. I have little use for lawyers such as Edwards who have made a career out of extorting monies from the health care industry and in doing so has helped raise insurance premiums to the point that many of my fellow citizens no longer can afford the most basic of all policies.