If Deer Hunters Ruled the World

Crossbow Hunting

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VixChix
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Location: Southern Ontario

If Deer Hunters Ruled the World

Post by VixChix » Wed Jan 28, 2009 12:27 am

If Deer Hunters Ruled the World
by Bill Heavey

The entire month of November would be a paid religious holiday.

You could go to a fast-food restaurant and order a McBackstrap sandwich
with extra garlic and fries.

Men with big butts would be renowned for their "outside spread."

Taxidermy would be a required course in elementary schools.

Golfers would have to leave the links at once if you spotted a good deer on the course and wanted to stalk it.

Failure to do so would result in the golf course's being converted to an
18-hole food plot. The sand traps would be turned into mineral licks.

Guys who hunted your stand without permission would do a mandatory seven to 10 years.

You would be fined by the police if you were stopped and found not to be
in possession of a weapon.

After one week, reports of violent crime would cease altogether.

All jackets would come with a built-in safety harness and hand-warmer
pockets, even tuxedos.

There wouldn't be any tuxedos.

The government would announce a "race for the cure" and throw billions of dollars into research to eradicate buck fever.

Your wife would complain that you're spending too much time around the
house and tell you to "drop that paintbrush and get your sorry ass out to
the stand."

At parties, a tending grunt would be considered a sophisticated way of
showing interest in a member of the opposite sex.

Gas stations would have attendants that approached from the downwind side to fill your gas tank,
then spray and clean your windshield with Scent Killer.

Women placing singles ads would state their times in the 1-mile
deadweight drag, 150-pound division.

All vehicles would come with bloodproof seat covers standard.

Game wardens could not come within 300 yards of you unless you signaled that it was okay.

A warden's first words would be "If this isn't a convenient time, sir, I'd be happy to come back later."

Convenience stores would stock shells, broadheads, and blackpowder
accessories in little bowls by the doughnut case.

If you showed up at a fancy restaurant in full camo and reeking of doe
urine, you'd immediately be shown to the best table in the house.

Bars would have "sparring areas" where you could put on an antler helmet and go head-to-head with other hunters to let off steam.

A chewing tobacco would be developed that, when mixed with human saliva, turns into a powerful deer attractant.

The dollar bill would feature a picture of the Hanson buck.

Landowners would come around to your house and beg you to hunt their property.

If you gave your wife or girlfriend a scoped .30/06 on her birthday, your
anniversary, or Valentine's Day, she'd say, "Honey, you're the best!"

The State of the Union address would be given by a deer biologist telling
you the best places to hunt.

"I just felt like they were gonna be moving this morning" would be an
acceptable excuse for why you were late to work.

Each day's weather report would start with wind direction and velocity,
barometric pressure, and times for the beginning and end of legal light.

Reality TV shows would feature six people turned loose during the rut in
an extremely rural area with a sharpened stone and a grunt call. First one
to bring in a 150-class deer wins $1 million.
Last edited by VixChix on Wed Jan 28, 2009 10:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Crockett&boon
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Location: east Tennessee

Post by Crockett&boon » Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:18 am

thats good lol
excalibur equinox ,lumizone,groundpounder mount,boo string

FredBear
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Location: NW,Ohio

Post by FredBear » Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:36 am

Bill has a book If you didn't bring jerky then what did I just eat. Its the best book I've ever read! Id recommend it to anyway who has spent some time in the woods.

Grizzly Adam
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Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:36 pm
Location: Decatur County, Indiana

Re: If Deer Hunters Ruled the World

Post by Grizzly Adam » Wed Jan 28, 2009 5:08 am

VixChix wrote: At parties, a tending grunt would be considered a sophisticated way of showing interest in a member of the opposite sex.
What! That's not acceptable now? :shock: :P :wink:
Grizz

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wabi
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Location: Ohio

Post by wabi » Wed Jan 28, 2009 8:13 am

A lot of good ideas there!
wabi

mikej
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Location: ontario

Post by mikej » Wed Jan 28, 2009 8:21 am

:lol:

Mike P
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Re: If Deer Hunters Ruled the World

Post by Mike P » Wed Jan 28, 2009 9:18 am

VixChix wrote:
Landowners would come around to your house and beg you to hunt their property.
Great Post Vix!


I think most who have been around here long enough know my buddy Doc lives across the street from me. His home sits on forty acres. Most of the homes sit on about ten to fifteen acres. All our surrounding neighbors do exactly what is listed above, they beg us to hunt on their property.

What started out as a "don't kill Bambi" attitude 20 years ago has turned into "Will you please kill these damn deer" attitude today. Their landscaping is decimated every year and they shell out big bucks to replace it. They never learn how to plant and landscape with "deer avoidance" plants, it just amazes us. That being said, we do not go out of our way to educate them either. We know a good thing when we see it.

I think your on to something with those antler helmets. Boo has his strings, groundpounder has quiver mount and crazyfarmer has his arrows. You could have your antler helmets! I would like to be the first to place an order. Think of the possibilities for a little home based business. The opportunities to increase your product line are endless. Knee braces for the older hunter could become orthopedic tarsal glands.

Soon forum members would start including your products in their signatures where they list other forum member products. It would become a status symbol to wear your helmet and many avatars would soon show up with proud members adorned with antlers.

When you make it big I hope you remember the little guys.

And I will be proud to say "I knew her when....."
Image

VixChix
Posts: 7296
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 2:00 pm
Location: Southern Ontario

Re: If Deer Hunters Ruled the World

Post by VixChix » Wed Jan 28, 2009 9:32 am

Mike P wrote: When you make it big I hope you remember the little guys.

And I will be proud to say "I knew her when....."
Mike, you're killin' me! :lol:

Unfortunately it seems I'm already associated with the SheWee and a high-thumb xbow shooting style... I don't think I could handle much more fame than that. :oops:
Last edited by VixChix on Wed Jan 28, 2009 9:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Normous
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Location: Windsor, Ontario.

Post by Normous » Wed Jan 28, 2009 9:41 am

Oh Dear, I can just picture the SheWee avator now :lol:
EXCALFFLICTION 1991 ->>--------> 2020
Krug Micro 355, Matrix 355 and NEMESIS
LEUPOLD VX-R 2-7, TRIJICON SRO and KAHLES Red Dot
Boo Strings
SWAT BH's
Teach Your Family How To Hunt So You Don't Have To Hunt For Your Family
Nature Is My Nurse

VixChix
Posts: 7296
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 2:00 pm
Location: Southern Ontario

Post by VixChix » Wed Jan 28, 2009 11:01 am

enormous wrote:Oh Dear, I can just picture the SheWee avator now :lol:
This is just for you, Norm...

Image

Hope I don't get banned from the forum for that.... :oops: :lol:
________________
Sent from a mobile device - So spelling and grammar may be questionable!
---
"Team DryFire"
Vixen, Micro 315, HHA Optimizer, Boo & VixenMaster strings, Munch Mounts, Dr. Stirrup accessories.

Grizzly Adam
Posts: 5701
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:36 pm
Location: Decatur County, Indiana

Re: If Deer Hunters Ruled the World

Post by Grizzly Adam » Wed Jan 28, 2009 12:13 pm

Mike P wrote: I think your on to something with those antler helmets. I would like to be the first to place an order.
:shock: :shock: Mike, Mike ... what are you thinking? :shock: :shock:

Obviously, you're not thinking! :? :?:

The LAST thing I'd want to be wearing in the Midwest is an ANTLER helmet! :lol: :lol: :P :P :wink: :wink:

Image

What do you want to do? Go from collecting trophies to being a trophy? Not a bright idea, ol' son. :idea: :idea:

Image

Sorry, Vix. 8)
Grizz

Normous
Posts: 7138
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2006 3:04 pm
Location: Windsor, Ontario.

Post by Normous » Wed Jan 28, 2009 12:40 pm

VixChix wrote:
enormous wrote:Oh Dear, I can just picture the SheWee avator now :lol:
This is just for you, Norm...

Image

Hope I don't get banned from the forum for that.... :oops: :lol:
Lordy Lordy, I need to shut my eyes now :)
EXCALFFLICTION 1991 ->>--------> 2020
Krug Micro 355, Matrix 355 and NEMESIS
LEUPOLD VX-R 2-7, TRIJICON SRO and KAHLES Red Dot
Boo Strings
SWAT BH's
Teach Your Family How To Hunt So You Don't Have To Hunt For Your Family
Nature Is My Nurse

Old Buck
Posts: 116
Joined: Sat May 12, 2007 6:23 pm
Location: Rockwood,ontario

Post by Old Buck » Wed Jan 28, 2009 3:21 pm

:D Thank you vix chic for your responce to Norm, They say laughter is the best medicine, If thats the case this old man has just had his dose for the week. slol :D :D :D :D

mikej
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Location: ontario

Post by mikej » Wed Jan 28, 2009 3:32 pm

if deer hunters ruled the world...... the world would be a better place. enough said :lol:

TPM
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Post by TPM » Wed Jan 28, 2009 6:09 pm

I think your on to something with those antler helmets. Boo has his strings, groundpounder has quiver mount and crazyfarmer has his arrows. You could have your antler helmets!
Cool idea.... VixRax.... I'd buy one. :D
The most important blood trail leads to the Cross...

Phoenix
HHA Optimizer
Hawke scope
Boo strings
Boo tuned trigger

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