Here's a little something I wrote last hunting season. Hope you enjoy it.
The Deers’ Hunter Survival Guide
Introduction
This booklet contains valuable information that could save your life and the lives of those around you. Procrastination is a poor decision. You, youngsters, would be wise to keep your ego in check, you are not invincible. It may take several readings before you have retained enough of this information to be safe in the woods. There are many hazards, some unseen, some unheard. We have taken all steps to assure the information is up to date. Despite this our lawyers have asked us to include a disclaimer.
This guide is dedicated to my father, Buck Sr., who became complacent after many years in the woods. And serves as a reminder that no matter how seasoned we have become, we must always take precautions. For we can always become more seasoned!
Be safe.
LESSON #1:
Night is your friend. The darker the better. Use the Earth’s shadow to move about unseen. Your night vision is excellent. While others may have difficulty seeing you, you will be able to see them as they walk by you. When I say night I mean night. Don’t be lolli gagging and don’t be so eager to get to the dinner table, it’s not going anywhere!!! More casualties take place just after the sunrises and just before it sets, then any other time. The door will always be open when you come home, but don’t expect us to come looking for you if your not in bed by sun up. You’ll have to tough it out on your own.
LESSON #2:
There is a lot of time between sun-up and sundown. Get comfortable. "Ants in your pants", and "fidget meisters" are asking for trouble. Better do your business before going to bed. Your night vision won’t be of much help, but your vision will still be of use, if you are astute. What you want to do is find a nice comfy spot where you can see what is going on downwind of you. Downwind is the direction all that hot air is going when it leaves your nostrils.
Now if you have chosen an ideal spot you should have a breeze coming from your backside. Let me rephrase that, from behind you. Your nose knows. Don’t think about what it is telling you. Instinct is your friend*. In addition to having a room with a view and a nice breeze, it must be cluttered. The more junk you have around you the more secure you will be. Don’t worry about mom telling you to clean your room, she’s off her rocker. Stealth is your enemy’s greatest asset. Dry grass, leaves, branches, thorns, corn stalks, and crunchy snow. Just let them try and get through that stuff.
If it starts to rain and your getting wet behind the ears, you need to move to another room with a better roof over your head. You may have to sacrifice a little visibility but the tangled mess should more than make up for your loss.
LESSON #3:
I touched on it a bit in Lesson #2, your sense of smell. That along with your hearing are crucial to survival. Pay attention. Your enemies stink. Plain and simple. Sometimes they try to disguise their odour, but it’s an attempt in futility. Don’t let that wonderful cedar-in-a-bottle fool you. It may smell nice but that underlying musk is unmistakable.
While on the subject of scents and smells, I must warn you there are some scents that will trigger uncontrollable urges. You must fight these urges!! Remember Lesson #1, night is your friend. If you really must stick your nose to the ground to see who’s at the other end of that most intoxicating odour do so while it is dark. Cats aren’t the only beasts to have succumb to curiosity.
SHHHHH!! Did you hear that? You should have. Look at the size of those flyswatters at the sides of your head. They’re huge. They are that way for a reason. Big ears pick up little noises. Snap, crackle, pop. Don’t forget swish, cough, and talk. Danger lies with them noises. There is an audio lesson provided in a CD at the back of this booklet, use it. Learn those noises.
Along with becoming familiar with those foreign sounds, you should be studying what your friends sound like. I know it seems like a lot, but trust me, it’ll pay off. There are very few chances for regret. Outsiders will try to lure you into a false sense of security. If you don't recognize the voice stay away!!
LESSON # 4
I don't care how you get them but for those that do you will have a decided advantage over those who don't. Whether or not you share your knowledge is up to you. However, what goes around comes around. In other words don't be selfish.
The two items you'll need are: 1) A calender and 2) a copy of the hunting regulations. One is useless without the other. If you can only get one of these items, find a buddy who has another. Work as a team.
Read the Regulations, mark the important dates on the calender. When those dates arrive make yourself scarce [refer back to Lesson #1].
Have fun with this one!! Sometimes we deer take life too seriously. Sometimes we just need to release some tension. Just before the season begins and again when it draws to a close feel free to walk around. Prance out in the open. Show off your rack. Be not afraid. The look on your foes faces in just priceless!!!
LESSON #5
You are not alone in the woods. There are those you can go to when you need a favour. Red squirrels, and blue jays. Yeah the noisy ones. And I know sometimes they might keep you up during the day. But this where we learn how to turn a negative into a positive.
This may be difficult for some of you who walk around like you're the king of the forest, so please hide your ego for a bit. Ask nicely if they wouldn't mind letting you know of impending danger. They really can't resist. It's in their blood. They like to scream. The scolding of the red squirrel is a sure sign something is amiss. [Lesson #3] Listen, and smell the air currents for danger. Because they like to scream there may be many false alarms, they still have to look out for themselves, don't fret you can use these as practice.
The blue jay is not as reliable. Well I'm not being fair. The blue jay rarely cries wolf, meaning he doesn't lie. His downfall is that he's not always around. Being a bit of a social butterfly and all around holligan he wanders about. On the upside he can do one thing you cannot, this doesn't include flying. He can see colour. Bright orange can be seen for miles. Blue jays will fly over and make sure everyone within earshot will know where your enemies are.
LESSON #6
This will be our final lesson. There are many other smaller, though no less important, details. However, I know from experience our average attention span is but a few minutes. Therefore I have brought to light the most critical of details that will be of use.
In this last lesson we will turn the table on our enemies. That's right, we will hunt them. The purpose of our hunt is not quite the same as that of our enemies, and is really only for those with the mettle to place themselves in a surreal situation.
This trick I learned a couple of years ago, taught to me by my now deceased father, was when you spotted your enemy walking about you follow them. I know hard to imagine, seems foolish, but it really is ingenious. Your enemy is always preoccupied with what is in front of and to the side of where they stand. They never look back.
Always keep them within line of sight, just don't follow too closely that they can hear you snapping twigs. If they stop and get comfortable you are to do likewise. Keep an eye on what they are doing. Be ready for the return. That is when the enemy walks back in the same direction they had just come from. If you have enough distance between the two of you, this will not matter.
This is where this becomes difficult for me. You see my dad, Buck Sr., was teaching this technique to my younger brother. He was showing off, my dad was. "Watch this Jr., Watch how close I can get." He probably would have been OK had he not stepped on that dead tree. But with the crack of the branch came the roll of thunder which struck him down where he stood. He was only twenty yards from his enemy. This is WAY too close. You never need to be that close.
IN CONCLUSION:
I wish you all the best this up coming season. Some of you will pay the ultimate sacrifice for not listening to these words of wisdom, I cannot help you anymore than I have. All I can say is.......better you than me!
Written by Chris C**** aka chris 4570
For your reading pleasure.
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