THANKS

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flbuckmaster
Posts: 969
Joined: Sat Nov 11, 2006 5:23 pm
Location: CRAWFORDVILLE, FLORIDA

THANKS

Post by flbuckmaster » Fri Dec 18, 2009 8:43 pm

As we come near the end of another year - I want to thank all of you for your educational posts over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery. 
I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel. 
I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. 
  I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed. 
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. 
I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. 
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. 
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. 
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. 
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish. 
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.. 
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. 
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. 
I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans. 
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. 
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.. Disfiguring me for life. 
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. 
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. 
I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , Nigeria, and Uzbekistan.
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the elf
Posts: 702
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:32 pm
Location: Eastern Ont.

Re: THANKS

Post by the elf » Fri Dec 18, 2009 9:53 pm

I think you got the whole list covered---lol.

Have yourself a MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR--and

think of us poor souls freezing up North.

DrDan
Posts: 2377
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 9:04 pm
Location: SE Ohio

Re: THANKS

Post by DrDan » Sat Dec 19, 2009 12:23 am

I could add a few about hospitals after getting a MRSA infection from their treatment. :shock:
Phoenix - Equinox
Don't trust anyone wearing a necktie...
DrDan

dick195252
Posts: 3084
Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2007 1:57 am
Location: McEwen Tennessee

Re: THANKS

Post by dick195252 » Sat Dec 19, 2009 7:23 am

I do not worry about any of it!! When it is your time it is your time :wink:
Exomax, Lumizone, Boo String, NRA, ACf, Member, [Proud Grandpa!!!]

Pydpiper
Posts: 6148
Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 4:56 pm
Location: Woodstock, Brantford'ish, ON
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Re: THANKS

Post by Pydpiper » Sat Dec 19, 2009 1:30 pm

You forgot about your small spam..
If you are not willing to learn, nobody can help you, if you are willing, nobody can stop you.
A bowhunter with a passion for shooting firearms.
WMU 91
Boo string

flbuckmaster
Posts: 969
Joined: Sat Nov 11, 2006 5:23 pm
Location: CRAWFORDVILLE, FLORIDA

Re: THANKS

Post by flbuckmaster » Sat Dec 19, 2009 4:24 pm

oh And I am trully sorry for giving women in my past high expectations, but could only produce a small "spam" for a short time. there you go...I think that covers it.
jay
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DrDan
Posts: 2377
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 9:04 pm
Location: SE Ohio

Re: THANKS

Post by DrDan » Sat Dec 19, 2009 5:17 pm

LOL Get one of them pumps Jay. Then yah probably get a pressure sore on yah crank!
Phoenix - Equinox
Don't trust anyone wearing a necktie...
DrDan

flbuckmaster
Posts: 969
Joined: Sat Nov 11, 2006 5:23 pm
Location: CRAWFORDVILLE, FLORIDA

Re: THANKS

Post by flbuckmaster » Sat Dec 19, 2009 5:21 pm

I did DRDAN, I wore out 2 of them and the last one got infected and almost kiled me before they could get it out.
jay
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DrDan
Posts: 2377
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 9:04 pm
Location: SE Ohio

Re: THANKS

Post by DrDan » Sat Dec 19, 2009 5:33 pm

Gheeesh! :shock: :shock: :shock:
Phoenix - Equinox
Don't trust anyone wearing a necktie...
DrDan

flbuckmaster
Posts: 969
Joined: Sat Nov 11, 2006 5:23 pm
Location: CRAWFORDVILLE, FLORIDA

Re: THANKS

Post by flbuckmaster » Sat Dec 19, 2009 5:42 pm

oh yea, I already have one on my crack, that just about cover everthing! the life of a cripple is great!
jay
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